Last Thursday T and I had a GREAT ultrasound!  The little bean was squirming around in there and the tech showed us that his bones were growing.  It was so awesome.  I miss my baby! I'm so excited to meet the person in there. 

The idea of getting the meet my baby keeps me from really getting anxious about the future.  I have a hard time sleeping at night, because I can't stop my mind from racing about what happens next.  Here are the specific things I worry about (rational or not):
Will I get paid maternity leave?
What will happen to my commission when I'm on maternity leave?
Will I be able to live in my parent's house without adding stress to my marriage?
Will I be able to continue writing after the baby is born?
Will I really be able to leave my little bby and go back to work?
Will I resent T for going back to school while I have to work?
How long will we live with my parents before we move into our own place?
Where will I pump my breast milk in my stupid office?
How will be insure T when he's in school?

That's all I can think of right now, but that's a good start.  Honestly, I'm most worried about writing.  So much of my self esteem and identity is tied up in my writing, and I really feel like it'll be the first thing to go.  I don't just want to be a baby maker, I want to be a person with a strong identity who raises children with strong identities. 

The good news is that my baby book says it's normal for me to worry about stuff like this.  I can't control very much in my life, but I can start making a list of honest conversations that I can force myself to have with people...like my boss...and my business partner.  My parents are another story- they WANT things to work out so badly they won't really explore the idea that it might now.  But that's ok for now.

Whew.  I feel better already.