I wanted to write a funny post about my newly developed superpower: my sense of smell.  It's a blessing and a curse.  Instead, I have to write about how I hate my doctor's office.  I had originally scheduled a "pre-conception meeting" with my doctor to talk about trying to get pregnant.  When I found out I already was pregnant, I thought I should call the doctor's office and update them on the situation.  That was a mistake.  Look, I'm already so emotional.  I've been in alternating states of tears and rage for the past couple of weeks.  So when the idiot receptionist (maybe she's nice in real life, but in my newly pregnant life she's an idiot) tell me not to bother coming in until January 13th because they can't even tell if it's viable until then.  Viable.  Well shit.  It never even occurred to me to wonder if it was viable.   I stammered some meek protests, but the gate keeper was standing strong.  No appointment until I'm 8 weeks along.

Luckily I can call L, who's a reliable expert on almost everything.  She also has the comforting ability to tell you she doesn't know something.  So I can trust what she tells me.  She called me down, told me what prenatal vitamins to eat, reminded me not to eat cold cuts, and above all be calm.  Ah yes.  Don't freak out.  I forgot about that one.

So I feel better.  T still called the docots office and gave them what for, but we have to wait until January.  I'm going to try and erase "viable" from my mind, and just be excited to hear my little bean's heartbeat!

The Second Day

Saturday, December 19th

I woke up exhausted again.  T and I laid in bed and called my parents again.  We were all like kids- laughing and planning and joking.  Then we called T's sister.  I couldn't have scripted a better reaction.  She laughed and cried and screamed with happiness.  This will be the first baby on both sides of our family, and this little bean is already so loved.  T and I walked the dog, ate lunch, called my best friend in Chicago and told her the news.  She was having a Christmas party that night and we conspired to make fake cocktails to throw people off the trail.  Then I napped.  For three hours.

I met another friend and her brother for dinner.  I want to tell everyone I see about my little bean, but feel like I have to wait until I go to the doctor on Tuesday.  I guess I just want a grown up professional person to tell me it's real.

The First Day, Part II

I went to the gym the first day I found out I was pregnant and couldn't stop tearing up.  I teared up thinking about telling my in-laws the news.  I teared up thinking about a little baby being born with my husband's hair.  I teared up thinking about my belly being big and round.  I had this silly dreamy feeling all day and couldn't think about anything other than the poppy-seed sized group of cells growing inside of me.  When I got to work I called my sister in law and both my brothers.  I wanted to wait until Christmas to surprise them but knew there was no way I could hold out.  They were all so excited.  It was so sweet to hear everyone react with such enthusiasm.

I was nervous about the holiday lunches and parties I had the weather.  Friday I had a holiday lunch, holiday after work drinks, and was going to meet up with my husband and brother in law.  Lunch went fine- I got through it without anyone questioning why I wasn't drinking.  After work drinks were a bit trickier- I raced to the bar and begged the bartender to give me a 7up with a cherry and not ask my if I wanted a second drink.  She got my drift immediately.  My husband (let's call him T from now on- it'll my it easier!) and I decided to tell his brothers and sisters immediately too.  We couldn't help it!  We were just too happy.  I met T and his younger brother for diner and we all chattered and laughed about the news.  We went back to our apartment and tried to act casual when T's sister in law called.  I wanted to tell her on her own- I wanted each sibling to feel special about hearing the news.  As T and his brother and I watched TV, I couldn't stop thinking about my little bean.  T's brother said, "Hey, how do you feel?  Do you feel pregnant?"  I did.  I do.  I feel different.

The Week Before

I was going to LA for work on December 9th.  I went to Bloomingdales the night before in a frantic attempt to get a cool wardrobe together.  The shopping trip was pretty successful, but while I was in the dressing room I noticed painful red marks on my boobs where the under-wire on my bra had pressed into my skin.  "Goddamit," I thought "Are my boobs getting bigger?"  My scale had broken a few weeks before and I was scared that I had gained weight.  I tried to ignore it and prepare for my trip.

Once I landed in LA I was excited for the meetings I had scheduled.  Wednesday was a great day and flowed into a fun evening.  I never sleep very well without my husband, so I didn't think much of it when I woke up the next morning exhausted.  That night I had an important client dinner at Ostaria Mozza.  We ate several courses and drank a bottle of fine wine.  I only had a glass, wanting to stay sharp for the party after dinner.  When we arrived at the party I walked around for a few minutes before getting hit with a wave of nausea.  I put my wine glass down and switched to water.  I spent the rest of the night taking deep breaths and trying to concentrate on not puking on people's shoes.  It's was rough going for a while.  I fell into bed that night and woke up exhausted again.

Friday night, my last night, my boss and I went to a company Christmas party.  I was overcome with repulsion for both the food and alcohol.  I couldn't even hold a drink in my hand without feeling sick.  I wasn't that surprised though- I've always had a sensitive stomach.  I didn't mind not drinking and volunteered to drive home.

I got home Saturday evening and felt like I had flown home from Europe.  I was so tired and grumpy I could barely stay awake.  I slept all the next day and stayed home from work Monday.  I had a sore throat the whole week and woke up every morning feeling completely wiped out.  I thought I had a cold, and that I had been emotionally sapped in LA.  It didn't occur to my until Friday that I might have a little bean growing in my stomach.

The First Day

I woke up Friday December 18th and decided to take a pregnancy test. My period wasn't due for four more days, but I was too impatient to wait.  I took the test at 7:00 am, and the positive sign came up faintly, but almost immediately.  At 7:04 am I called my husband.  At 7:06 I called my best friend in Boston, L- who's also pregnant.  L and I really wanted to be pregnant together and we shrieked on the phone together.  At 7:08 I called my parents.  We were all teary eyed with joy.  I couldn't believe it had actually happened, and that now I was to go about my day as if everything wasn't completely different.